The Hentai's Apprentice
by Kanna37
Summary: The gang is back, and now that the Hentai gods are involved, things are getting interesting. But wait... what's Naraku got to do with things? And why aren't he and the tachi fighting? Welcome to the Twilight Zone of the Sengoku Jidai.


**The Hentai's Apprentice**

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Inuyasha. And I don't own the Twilight Zone. But I am a Hentai.

---vVv---

Naraku sighed.

He'd been sitting here waiting for the Inutachi to show up for a while, since he'd figured that it was about time for another battle. But as time had gone on, he'd begun to get depressed, and bored. He just wasn't sure it was really all worth it, anymore. Sure, it had been fun tormenting Inuyasha and his friends, but it had finally gotten old.

Really,_ really _old.

The whole thing was just revenge gotten out of hand, if the truth were known. He was simply jealous. The inu-hanyou had gotten what he'd wanted.

Kikyou.

So, he'd gotten revenge on her for not choosing him, and figured, if he couldn't have her, he'd have the jewel - only, she'd kept him from getting that, too. And the stupid thing was, she'd let herself die from the injuries he'd inflicted on her, while taking the jewel away from him. He'd lost her, and the jewel, in the same day.

He sighed again, and leaning against the rock he was sitting next to, propped his head in his hand with a dejected air.

He'd laughed when she'd pinned that baka to the tree, though. That part had been rather funny - at the time. But he found that now, even that was just not entertaining anymore. He wanted the jewel... well, he _used _to want the jewel. But the whole reason to get it, to become full-youkai so that Kikyou would be impressed with his power, kinda fell flat, now that she was one of the walking dead...

Sitting around with a broken heart hurt, so he'd come up with a brilliant plan... get rid of his human heart - then it wouldn't hurt anymore, and Kikyou could come flaunting herself in front of him all she wanted, and he wouldn't care.

Only... that wasn't working out so well, either.

It just seemed that from the moment he'd seen his beautiful priestess, he'd been cursed. Because no matter what, he couldn't seem to either get the girl, or get _rid _of her.

He was stuck. And it really_, really_ bit the big one.

---vVv---

Inuyasha stopped suddenly, causing Kagome to run right into his back.

"What the...?"

"Shut-up, all of you!" Inuyasha hissed, closing his eyes and tilting his nose into the wind, he sniffed, then his eyes opened, and flashed red. "Naraku!" Without another thought, he took off at a dead run, heading straight for the clearing the spider hanyou was waiting in.

When he cleared the tree-line, sword in hand a few minutes later, however, he came to a stumbling halt, and stared at the one being he'd been after for so long, completely uncertain about how to react.

Because Naraku barely even paid any attention to his arrival, instead leaning against a boulder, looking horribly, terribly depressed - and lonely.

"Uhhh... aren't you gonna stand up and fight with me? Where's all the 'die Inuyasha's' and all that normal crap you always yell when we meet?" Inuyasha didn't know how to react to this _at all._ Although, thinking about it, a depressed Naraku was certainly..._ amusing_, in a way.

Naraku sighed, then glanced over at Inuyasha. "Why should I waste energy fighting with you? It always ends up the same way, and to be honest here, I'm kinda getting tired of the whole thing."

Inuyasha stared hard at Naraku, suspicious of his words. "Now why should I believe you? This is probably another one of your tricks."

"Nope. I'm just tired, and I'm even more tired of being jealous of you. Why do _you_ always get the female I want? First, you steal Kikyou's heart away from me, and now, you even have Kagome, too! How fair is that, I ask you?" His shoulders slumped, and his baboon pelt slithered to the ground. "Can't I have a woman of my own?"

Inuyasha just stood there for a few minutes, feeling like he'd slipped into an alternate universe. Then he realized that not only had Naraku talked about wanting Kikyou, he'd talked about _Kagome_, too. Now, that was _definitely_ off limits. No one could have Kagome but _him._

Sliding Tessaiga back in its sheath, he shook his head and walked over to sit down near the depressed half-youkai. "Okay, look. Talk about Kikyou if you want. After all, you were around back then, too, and so I guess I can see how you could consider yourself a rival for her affections." He shuddered. "Even if it's a bit creepy. However, leave Kagome out of this. She's _mine_, and I won't share."

Naraku glanced at him and nodded, then looked away. "I don't suppose you'd let me have the jewel, would you? I just want to become full youkai. Then maybe Kikyou will actually look at me..."

Inuyasha sighed then. "Sorry, Naraku, not gonna happen. The jewel is just a trick, anyway. It always warps your wish to something you didn't want, so it's not reliable. Besides... Kikyou's dead. You really can't make a life with her like that, ya know."

"But then, if we used the jewel to wish her back to life...." his voice trailed off, as he caught the the inu shaking his head.

"Think about it, though. You killed her in her last life... why do you think she'd want you now?" He couldn't believe he was sitting here feeling sorry for the guy, but he just looked so dejected.

"Hey, wait a minute! I didn't kill her! Yeah, okay," he looked away, a shamed look crossing his face, "sure, I attacked her, but her wounds weren't fatal! She let herself die, because she was upset about what she thought was your betrayal. There's a difference between that and killing her."

Before Inuyasha could answer, the rest of the tachi came flying into the clearing, but the battle stances all dropped in shock as they noticed the two hanyou sitting and talking to each other calmly.

Sango stepped forward. "Uhhh... guys? What's with all the," she gestured to them sitting there so casually, "friendly crap? Shouldn't you two be fighting, and the rest of us joining in?"

Naraku half-heartedly waved a hand at her. "Like I was just telling Inuyasha here, I'm kinda tired of the same old, same old routine. Maybe we should all just make friendly. It would be easier." He shrugged then. "I need a woman," he sighed.

Sango glared. "No way! You killed everyone from my village, and you've kept my brother as a slave! How could you even thin--"

"And what about the curse in my hand, Naraku? Are we just supposed to forget all that?" Miroku cut in. "You've got a lot to answer for."

At that, Naraku stood up and nodded towards them, glancing at Kagome, who'd just stood there quietly watching, too surprised to talk. "I didn't really kill everyone in your village, Sango. It was an illusion. Yeah, I tore the place up, but I deposited the people somewhere else. Including your father... and as for Kohaku, well, he's fine. I haven't hurt him. He's hanging out with Kagura and Kanna right now. I think Kanna and he have something going, actually," he chuckled.

Sango stared at him hard, shocked, as the hanyou turned to Miroku and spoke. "As for your hand, that's easy enough to undo. I can take the curse off anytime, ya know."

"Why would you fake all that? An Illusion?! Why?" Sango asked, disbelief written all over her face.

At that, Naraku had the good graces to blush. "Well, you see, I wanted to look evil. Thought it'd be cool to play the bad guy for a while, you know?"

Kagome shook her head, perplexed. "Okay, Naraku. What's caused all this? Why the change of heart?"

Inuyasha started chuckling at that. "It's exactly that, Kagome. A change of _heart. _ The bastard's heartsick - and in_ love_."

At that, the clearing went dead silent.

This day would officially go down in the annals of weirdness as the weirdest day e_ver._

---vVv---

"What do you make of this whole thing, Kagome? I mean, we're sitting in camp, with _Naraku, _he's called for Kohaku to come see me, and sent Kagura orders to bring the people from my village back. On top of that, he took the curse off Miroku's hand, and now," she rolled her eyes and glared over the campfire at the guys sitting across on the other side, "the guys are sitting there all innocent like, and I'd bet anything they're _plotting."_

Kagome shook her head, feeling like she was in the twilight zone. "I bet they are, Sango. Remember, Inuyasha said that Naraku was in love with some woman. I'll bet they're gonna start giving_ him _hentai lessons, too!" Her brow furrowed for a moment. "But the only woman I can think of that Naraku ever cared about was..."

Sango broke in. "Kikyou!" she hissed, quietly. "But do you really think Inuyasha would help him chase _Kikyou?_" she whispered, shocked.

"Uhh... well, I don't know, Sango. And besides, she's dead. What good would that do?"

She glared across the fire again for a moment, eyes narrowed appraisingly. "I don't know, Kagome, but I'm keeping my eye on them. Inuyasha and Miroku by themselves are bad enough, but _Naraku_? The guys _way_ too sneaky as it is, and then to combine that with hentai training? Dangerous, if you ask me."

Kagome narrowed her eyes on the three males across the camp, as she noticed them looking their way, and nodded. They were looking_ way _too happy about something over there.

"You've got the right idea, Sango. With Naraku's native sneakiness, and the other two and their natural hentai behavior, we're looking at major trouble. I might have to try to dig up suits of armor for the both of us... or we'll _never _get any rest."

The two girls sighed, and stared at the fire morosely.

Things weren't looking so good for them.

---vVv---

Naraku stared at Inuyasha incredulously. "Are you_ serious? _You - you'd actually _help _me, teach me your tricks, _knowing _I'm gonna use 'em to chase Kikyou?"

Inuyasha shrugged. "Why wouldn't I? I have a woman, I don't need two. I have to thank you for that part of things, actually. Despite the fact that being pinned to that tree for fifty years sucked, I'm really glad it happened, 'cause if it hadn't, I'd never have met my sweet, innocent little Kagome. I care about Kikyou and all, and I don't want to see her hurt, but..."

Miroku nodded sagely. "Yes, it's a good thing in the end that you did get pinned, Inuyasha. Kikyou was never your match - but Kagome is. If Naraku hadn't been on the make back then, you'd never have found that out."

Naraku turned a bit red at that. "On the make?" He glanced at the amused faces of the other two, then sighed and waved a hand. "Alright, alright, I admit it. I was. But what is it that you plan to teach me, anyway?"

Inuyasha and Miroku glanced across the fire at their women, then turned their faces back to Naraku and gave him identical, evil grins.

"Oh... we're gonna teach you everything you need to know about how to be a hentai. You are now our apprentice. And by the time we're done, you'll have Kikyou right where you want her, we guarantee it," said Inuyasha, with another heated glance at his woman.

"In fact," he mused, eyes widening as something occurred to him, "since we aren't chasing _you_ anymore... we can concentrate fully on chasing our _women_ now." He grinned wider as Miroku got a dreamy look on his face, then caught both males gazes for a moment, before turning again and staring at Kagome.

"Oh, it's _on, _now. This is gonna be _sooo _good!"

---vVv---

Shippo stared at the group, and Naraku, and shuddered. He glanced down at his currently tiny companion.

"You know, Kirara, this is really creeping me out. How do you go from deadly enemies, to hentai buddies in the space of one afternoon? This whole hentai thing is just _wayyyy_ too disturbing for me - especially after the last few times I got involved."

Kirara mewed, agreeing with him. She was glad she was out of it. _People... I'm so glad I'm a neko. Life's simpler this way._

---vVv---

A/N: Well... the hentai gods work fast. They wanted to get the fighting over so the mating could start... and they were successful there. Things are gonna start getting _mighty_ interesting now!

Amber


End file.
